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Domestic violence is a community problem

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Her story is chilling.

A woman attacked, by her estranged husband, barely clinging to life. Renita Hills first shared her horrifying experience, with me, a few years ago. The attack happened when she lived in Virginia, in 2002, but the pain is still palpable, and the scars still visible, years later.

It started as an ordinary morning. Her estranged husband arrived at her apartment to pick up their 5-year-old daughter. But Renita recalls that he had made veiled threats to her, days earlier. She wondered, ā€œwho would take care of their daughter, Cassandra, if (Renita) didnā€™t take him back.ā€ They had been separated and he wanted to reunite.

That morning, as she prepared her daughter to leave with him, Renita said her estranged husband pulled out a knife, and began stabbing her violently, as her daughter watched. Cassandra woke her teenage brother and sister, screaming, ā€œDaddyā€™s killing Mommy!ā€ They came running to Renitaā€™s aid and called 9-1-1. But in that flash of minutes, her husband stabbed her 13 times.

Renita said, ā€œI had four stab wounds to my chest. Each lung was punctured and collapsed and there was one stab wound to my right breast. I had a wound straight down the middle of my face. The back of my head was split open.ā€ Her husband went to prison and doctors stitched Renita back together with more than seven surgeries. Recovery was long, difficult and devastating, but Renita refused to give up.

ā€œNo matter what happens in life, if youā€™re still on the topside of the soil, then youā€™re not done,ā€ she said. ā€œYouā€™re still alive and you still have something to contribute.ā€

Renita graduated from college and inspired her children to excel. Cassandra is entering college this year and Renitaā€™s two older children have Masterā€™s degrees. And Renita founded her own non-profit group in Indianapolis called ā€œVoice of the Victim.ā€ She speaks to teenagers about dating abuse and she enters prisons to speak to abusers, believing in breaking the cycle of abuse with education and rehab.

Renita also believes that women, and men, need to know that abuse is not always physical. ā€œMy definition of abuse is anytime somebody strips away your self-esteem, your self-respect, your self-worth. If they ever make you feel less than the wonderful creature God created you to be, thatā€™s abuse. And, you have the right to walk away.ā€

Twelve years ago, I launched a campaign at WTHR called ā€œShattering the Silence,ā€ bringing awareness to the problems of domestic abuse and child abuse. Those issues still devastate our community. In the last year, in Central Indiana, the Connect2Help Phone Line took 5,000 domestic abuse calls, a rise of 34 percent from the year before.

I believe, with all of my heart, that abuse is not just a private problem. Itā€™s a community problem, affecting our neighbors, co-workers, families and friends. And, abusersā€™ crimes are not always behind closed doors. Detective Steve Renzulli, with IMPDā€™s Domestic Violence Unit, recently told me, ā€œI would say 97 percent of our abuse offenders have prior histories of other unrelated crimes.ā€

The heart of the problem? Many abusers were abused themselves. If you are an abuser who wants to break the cycle or if you are an abuse victim, call 2-1-1 or seek counseling, shelter, resources or learn how to make a safety plan before leaving. Together, we can shatter the silence.

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