“Let’s get married.” “Will you marry me?” “How about we make it official?” “Let’s you and me become ‘we!’”
There are many ways to say it, but the whole idea of marriage is something we have grown up with. It’s part of that natural life progression: grow up, get married, have children. However, how many of us have given thought to what “marriage” actually means? I mean, we hear it, say it, even see it. But what are we actually talking about? And (here’s a key question) does the person we’re planning on marrying (or to whom we’re already married) share our views?
Reasons for marriage
In the very first class my wife and I teach, we ask, “Why do people get married?” As you can probably imagine, there are a LOT of answers: Companionship, finances, peer pressure and loneliness are just a few of the responses. (Some get married just to have a wedding!) Even “love” is mentioned. But only a very few times do we hear this: commitment.
While “love” is indeed the foundation on which a marriage is built, “commitment” is the reason for marriage. I may love you, even be in love with you (not the same thing, but that’s a different article!), but if I’m not committed to you, then I’m not ready to be married. In fact, if we’re really honest, many of us have been in love before. Some have even married before. But something went wrong, and it was over. That’s because there was not a true commitment to the relationship from both sides.
Double-clicking on commitment
So what is commitment? Being committed indicates a full and total intent to being dedicated and driven, regardless of what happens. That’s why, outside of salvation, marriage is the most important decision you can make, because it’s for LIFE!
For instance, let’s say I lease a car. I can drive it, ride in it and experience all the benefits of having a vehicle. But if something goes wrong, or I just get tired of it, I can just turn it in to the dealership and get another one. Though I enjoyed it, I was never committed to it. But if I BUY the car, now I’m responsible for everything about it, including the upkeep.
The commitment in marriage
Because marriage is such a commitment, it’s vitally important you start out right. How many times have you heard (or even said yourself), “We’re good, as long as you don’t (fill in this space).” What you don’t realize is that you’ve done at least three things: 1) set an unrealistic expectation that you need your mate to be perfect; 2) put conditions on a love that you’re striving to be unconditional; and 3) now told Satan what your weakness is, where to cause problems.
So what am I committing to in marriage? Here are just a few:
Loving my mate the way they want to be loved. Love so she feels secure, love so he feels respected. (Ephesians 5:25–33)
Meeting their needs (not just physical!) intentionally and proactively, whether they are meeting mine or not. Don’t defraud (cheat!) your mate. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Accepting that my mate is not me, nor are they someone who is waiting to be made in my image. They are who they are, and YOU can’t change anyone. (Genesis 1:27)
Hope this makes sense!
Chris and his wife Diane teach the “Saying I DO” classes at Eastern Star Church. They can be contacted through marriagemakingsense.com or at jchristopherhull@gmail.com.
